I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
