Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can't just leave with hair like that
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
