that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
