Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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