my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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