at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
