im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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