Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
