I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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