She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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