I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
wow bdsm is so cute
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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