i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
