He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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