Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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