This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
