I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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