Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
