And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
bring money and cleavage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
