So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
