I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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