from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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