careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
