Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
