My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
