Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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