Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
