i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
