I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
