youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
