my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
