Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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