don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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