Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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