Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
