sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
