I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
