I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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