Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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