i think my mom watched the whole time
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
