Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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