I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
