i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
