i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
