He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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