In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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