i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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