On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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