people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
