half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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