i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just threw up on my dentist
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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