I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
