if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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