Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
