I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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