Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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