There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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